“The sleepless nights during infancy won’t last forever.”
That’s what they told me.
And yet… here we are, 10 years later.
Sure, the breastfeeding stage ended quickly.
But the sleepless nights? Still going strong.
If he could just wake up, play safely, and let me sleep in peace, that would be fine.
But no.
He wakes me up—angry, frustrated, and MAXIMUM level upset.
For years, I worried, “Will this ever change?”
But then I found out… he sleeps through the night at short stays.
So the issue isn’t that he can’t sleep.
It’s me.
He simply can’t accept that I’m near but not right next to him.
“Then why not just co-sleep?”
Good question. But I want to sleep in my own bed.
According to his teacher, the key is visual support.
📌 “Gene sleeps here all night.”
📌 “Mom sleeps here all night.”
📌 Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Sounds simple.
But when he’s furious and I’m sleep-deprived at 2 AM…
Let’s just say I haven’t started yet.
The Game-Changer: Sleep Medication
💊 It works. Like, REALLY works.
It’s safe, it’s effective, and as long as it doesn’t make him too drowsy during the day, it’s a win.
💤 8:30 PM → Takes the medication
💤 9:00 PM → Bedtime
💤 10:00 PM → Deep sleep.
Sounds like a dream, right?
I tuck him in, he drifts off, and then—
Operation: Escape the Room.
Stealth mode ON.
I carefully slip out of bed, avoiding any sudden movements, tiptoe out the door…
And freedom.
Until midnight.
The Downside: Midnight Wake-Ups
Sleep medication only helps him fall asleep.
It doesn’t keep him asleep.
Around 12 to 1 AM, he wakes up and realizes—
Mom isn’t there.
Cue full-blown betrayal.
He storms in, furious, dragging me back to bed like I committed a crime.
And once I’m next to him?
All is forgiven.
Some nights, he falls back asleep.
Other nights, he stays awake and plays.
Before sleep medication? That happened EVERY night.
Now? Maybe 2-3 times a month.
Progress.
But sleep deprivation still hits hard.
It messes with everything—mood, patience, even basic human function.
Sleep is essential.
And apparently, Gene’s mood isn’t directly affected by how much he sleeps.
(Though teachers did mention that this year, he’s been smiling more than ever… Maybe because he’s actually sleeping?)
Learning to Sleep Separately: The Short Stay Experiment
Gene sleeps best when I’m right next to him.
But… he’s 10 now.
And I’d like to sleep like a normal person.
So, one year ago, we started short stays—once a month.
I expected disaster.
I was 100% sure they’d call in the middle of the night, begging me to pick him up.
But instead?
He slept through the night.
Wait. What?!
He did wake up once.
But the staff calmly showed him his visual schedule and said:
📌 “Now it’s sleep time.”
📌 “You’ll wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast… and then Mom will come pick you up.”
And with that, he pointed to the “sleep” card… and went back to sleep.
…SERIOUSLY?!
So, What’s the Real Issue?
The problem isn’t that he needs me.
The problem is that he can’t accept me being “there but not there.”
He doesn’t need to cuddle.
He doesn’t even come running for hugs.
He just… needs me to be present.
Maybe it’s instinct—something ingrained since infancy.
The Plan Moving Forward
His psychiatrist gave me two key steps:
📌 Use visuals to show that “Mom sleeps in this room” and “Gene sleeps in that room.”
📌 Repeat the message every night—especially when he wakes up.
Simple, right?
But let’s be real.
At 2 AM, when Gene is furious and I’m exhausted…
Can I really explain this patiently?
So far, I haven’t even started.
But if I don’t?
Before I know it, he’ll be 20 years old—and still dragging me out of bed.
📌 Key Takeaways & Next Steps
✔ Sleep meds help with falling asleep, but not staying asleep.
✔ At short stays, visual schedules help him sleep through the night!
✔ The real issue: He needs to accept that I can be nearby, but not next to him.
Step 1: Start using visual cues, even when he’s mid-rage at 2 AM.
No more waiting. Time to start.
👀 Who This Might Help
✅ Parents dealing with sleep struggles in children with autism or intellectual disabilities
✅ Anyone considering sleep medication for their child
✅ Families navigating short stays & sleep separation issues
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